Twenty-Nine OCT

那默默地等待早已明白，牢牢地挂念着那不属于你的爱，是时候该放手了。

当初的回忆已经成了过去。你给我的回忆一直都是美好的。虽然，接下来的路上，少了你的出现和祝福，我答应你我依然会好好的过。我相信，天下无不散的宴席，人与人之间总会有分离的一天，再长的文章都会有画上句号的时候。毕竟，生离死别是人生必经的阶段。

你一直都是我的偶像，而我却是那位躲在最角落一直给于你支持的小小粉丝。你的出现从此在我的人生中画下了一到、一道色彩缤纷的彩虹。我很努力的维持你唯一留给我的足迹，日子久了你会消失吗？

SHOULD I LET YOU GO?

25th October 2011

While the Sun and the Moon are doing their duty and the time is not going to take a break, we shouldn't looking forward to the past but enjoying our present and looking toward to our future. When the year of 2011 are getting nearest to the climax of my life, I'm going to enjoy till the maximum now!! Owh Yeah!! Today 25th of October 2011, the last Tuesday in October in the year of 2011, I've visited twice to Vivo Pizza at Times Square with my dearest Princess Estrella. :)




Check out for the photos;

 The first thing we need to do after we sat down in any restaurant.

ahah! can spot the Vivo's logo? 

--credit to Estrella :)

This is how Estrella has work out. Better than mine.

I don't think I'm artistic enough. Tehee

 Olah.. Its time for our main dash--Pizza!

Credit to Estrella

After all of the above, we were rushing back to Tuition Center with our Pearl Milk Tea (Chatime).

Life is not longer for us to feel regret!

Enjoy LIFE cuz Its LIVE :)

A beautiful regret

My heart could never ache as much as this again. I'm in a real pain, something I never imagine a girl like me would have to go through it.


There is no one to be blamed except myself. If I were not that coward, if I'm a little braver and if I'm being myself, I might get all his attention. Even before that, I already got his attention. I'm famous in his mind at least.


Well, the only beautiful regret was I could not bring myself to confess to him personally. I knew I were being selfish, enjoying moments getting used to his presence and so afraid that I have to forget him and move on when he chooses to reject me.


My instincts told me a lot of things. I just dare not accept the reality. Now, I felt all the pains because I am no longer by his side or maybe we just happened to be at the same place and same time most of the times.


They said," Both are not fated especially when they are besides each other but never talk nor notice each other's presence."


Afraid to believe that, yet I guess that what really happening between both of us. Sometimes we seem good to each other, at times we acted cold towards each other. Worse, I don't know what he is thinking. Are all guys' mind that complicated? Or was it only him?


I always told myself that I just need to take this as a beautiful regret and all I need to do is just to move on. Looking and sounding amazing in front of friends, I know I could never move on that easily anymore. It may sounded disgusting, gross to describe that kind of feeling, but there is a smell, a feeling that only he has.


Love is not all, I believe. What he needs more is not really love, he needs guidance. He is just too easily being influenced, and if I loved him, I believe I need to let him go. Just be his friend who will be there to guide, support and comfort him. That's more important than making he falling for me.


I choose to let him go, and I know this is not just a regret but a beautiful ones because I know I will always be there for him and though he might never ever know the feelings I had on him ever again, I will be there...as his beautiful memories not regret. Because he was never a regret in my life, just our love is a beautiful regret.

Love doesn't mean everything

我要让你明白，我不会永远地爱着你

直到我不再爱你的那一天，我会把你忘掉。

既然没有绝对的真爱，大家何必那么的痛苦呢?

Married or Not..

【 Marriage 】
「When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes..

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.
— At least, in the eyes of our son — I’m a loving husband...

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.. ...」

A+?

 别人拿A+我拿A，所以我笨!

这句话往我的心上捅了一刀。


我的心受尽了疼痛！

After TrialExam'11

A simple Hello from you is my wish.

Trial exam for SPM was end and obviously I'd improve a lots compare to the last exam. But somehow, I still not so satisfied with my currently results. I fail to score the maximum marks and by the way I just only score 2A5B2C. I think I can score a better marks in SPM, perhaps? 

Might you wish me luck?

Sad, Worry, No Idea.