A beautiful regret

My heart could never ache as much as this again. I'm in a real pain, something I never imagine a girl like me would have to go through it.


There is no one to be blamed except myself. If I were not that coward, if I'm a little braver and if I'm being myself, I might get all his attention. Even before that, I already got his attention. I'm famous in his mind at least.


Well, the only beautiful regret was I could not bring myself to confess to him personally. I knew I were being selfish, enjoying moments getting used to his presence and so afraid that I have to forget him and move on when he chooses to reject me.


My instincts told me a lot of things. I just dare not accept the reality. Now, I felt all the pains because I am no longer by his side or maybe we just happened to be at the same place and same time most of the times.


They said," Both are not fated especially when they are besides each other but never talk nor notice each other's presence."


Afraid to believe that, yet I guess that what really happening between both of us. Sometimes we seem good to each other, at times we acted cold towards each other. Worse, I don't know what he is thinking. Are all guys' mind that complicated? Or was it only him?


I always told myself that I just need to take this as a beautiful regret and all I need to do is just to move on. Looking and sounding amazing in front of friends, I know I could never move on that easily anymore. It may sounded disgusting, gross to describe that kind of feeling, but there is a smell, a feeling that only he has.


Love is not all, I believe. What he needs more is not really love, he needs guidance. He is just too easily being influenced, and if I loved him, I believe I need to let him go. Just be his friend who will be there to guide, support and comfort him. That's more important than making he falling for me.


I choose to let him go, and I know this is not just a regret but a beautiful ones because I know I will always be there for him and though he might never ever know the feelings I had on him ever again, I will be there...as his beautiful memories not regret. Because he was never a regret in my life, just our love is a beautiful regret.